Animal Instinct

I’m sure there are many people in my life that would say the animal kingdom is one I relate to better than the human one! Animals to me are accepting, quietly wise, beyond funny, loving, clear in communication, they are just “there”. My family know (it’s on my Aura page!) that if I can have a cat on my lap, a dog curled up on the bed or a horse grazing in the background I will die happy, peacefully, knowing it’s going to be ok.

A lot of people feel like this I’m sure. YouTube would have you crying in seconds if you looked up “animals grieving their owners” but animals do grieve in their own kingdom and have rituals when they lose loved ones. It’s incredible and heart-warming (especially if you’re a vegan!!) 

I want to explore this animal instinct so we can compare this to our situation, not just the gravity of the impact of coronavirus but worse than that, the road we were already going down; a clinical, scientific passing. Dying Matters state that of the 1,300 people dying per day (pre Covid-19) 900 wanted to die at home but less than half did. They go on to say 25% of all hospital beds are taken up by someone who is dying and 40% of these have no medical need to be there.

Death is being seen as a medical failure rather than a natural stage of life. Tubes are more available than hugs, drugs soothe rather than soft familiar voices. A familiar story I hear is that when a loved one has died in hospital family must take their belongings and go – the bed is needed. This is not the staff’s fault or desire I’m sure it is how our society has ended up. We are missing out on so much, let the animals illustrate…

Mourning is not just a mammal instinct, it has been researched in birds and sea animals too. Physical rituals such as gathering around the body and “burying” the body (kicking dirt over or covering with leaves or stones) are carried out by giraffes, llamas, rats, elephants, magpies and scrub jays. Emotional support is sought by baboons and monkeys and readily available in many herd animals. Extra rights for mothers to grieve is a universal privilege, chimpanzees will carry their babies until unrecognisable, giraffes and elephants will stand for hours with their dead babies as will dolphins.

So many animals use touch to process death including horses, monkeys, elephants. Protectiveness or vigiling over the body is clearly carried out by dolphins, sea lions, giraffe, squirrels and whales whilst dogs, horses, sea lions, scrub jays and elephants will make mournful sounds for days which in turn calls other to mark their respect. Heart break, depression and grieving has been acknowledged through weight loss, a lack of interest in their usual activities in geese, love birds, dogs, horses and elephants. Even self-medication is recognised (zoopharmagosnosy) in most mammals. Plants such as marjoram, mimosa, neroli, rose as essential oils are now used to help grieving animals in domesticity as they do not have free range of plants to select as they would in the wild. 

I believe this instinct that we have been avoiding through the medicalisation of death will be forced upon us as money runs out for the NHS, populations grow and new viruses emerge. Dying will once again happen at home increasingly. So we all need to wake up our animal instinct and face death more honestly. Aura gives us that chance beautifully – to think about our own death, to discuss it with our families, to prepare for it so it is less of the unknown, this will encourage death being as much part of family discussion as birth, weddings and sad to say divorces. We need to learn to care (holding  hands and gentle speak) not just care (feed one end and wipe the other).

At this point please don’t get me wrong our carers and medical staff are beyond compassionate and incredible at what they do, I work with three hospices so I know them and see how hard they work. And not everyone in families can cope with caring for loved ones and this is where End of Life Doulas will be engaged. But we can all talk about our wishes and Aura is a fantastic place to start. 

As a counsellor I often hear how their pets “just know” how to soothe the grieving. Let us be open, warm, comforting and connected and make our human dying process special, peaceful and dignified as possible.