Bereavement in the Workplace

It is extremely unlikely any of us will escape bereavement during our lifetimes. This can be a life-changing experience, or a brief moment of reflection quickly forgotten. However, when bereavement occurs in the workplace, everyone around may be affected, and productivity can come to a sudden grinding halt.

A recent survey estimated that grief in the workplace costs the UK economy £23 billion/year**. The question is – how do you deal with grief, remaining compassionate, but without losing sight of the need to meet deadlines and maintain productivity?

Anything that disrupts work potentially threatens the survival of an organisation. Compassion and practical issues can find themselves at loggerheads and, unless both can find a way to work side by side, the fallout can be devastating. Added to this mix, 56% of employees would consider leaving their job if their employer failed to provide support when someone close to them died. Almost a third of people who had been bereaved in the last five years said they were not treated compassionately by their employer. **

Beyond policies and procedures – how can you best respond to bereaved members of staff?

Bereavement can enter through many doors of a company, through the loss of someone close to an employee, or indeed the loss of someone within the team.

An Employees Assistance Programme (EAP) is an invaluable, confidential service, granting employees access to 24-telephone support for personal or workplace issues. The rate for this service is charged per employee, per year. The more employees a company has, the lower the cost. Whatever the expense, however, it is much more cost effective than having to recruit new staff when bereaved employees leave feeling unsupported and unheard.

Death within the Team

One form of bereavement in the workplace occurs when there is a death within the team. Whether or not it is an unexpected death, the duty manager should inform each member of the team, by phone, not text, (https://www.aura.life/articles/how-to-break-bad-news), and give them as much information about the circumstances of the death as possible to prevent speculation and confusion.

Companies’ HR departments should:

• Notify key personnel that a death in service has occurred.
• Ensure that appropriate support, such as grief counselling, is in place for affected colleagues/managers, or remind them of the EAP phone number.
• Send a clear, simple message of support.
• Request a named contact to act as a coordinator between the family and the workplace.
• Ensure all calls and correspondence relating to the death are dealt with in a confidential and sensitive manner.
• After a month or so, arrange for the removal of the deceased employee’s details, as their retention might cause distress; examples include distribution lists, phone directories, automatic phone displays, and notice boards.
• Arrange to have an extraordinary meeting for all relevant staff at the first reasonable opportunity that day, to share emotions and get a sense of whether anyone’s grief is going to impact on the workplace (https://www.aura.life/articles/coping-with-grief).
• Contact the employee’s family to confirm the time and date of the funeral.
• Maintain an ‘open door’ policy for staff who are affected by the death.
• Schedule a meeting to discuss who should take over their workload for an initial two-week period. This will allow breathing space to consider a longer-term solution.
• Someone, possibly their manager, should contact the bereaved family and, if appropriate, a representative from the team should attend the funeral and/or visit the bereaved family.

Remembering a Colleague

Co-workers should be encouraged to share their memories and grief. For example, they could organise a memorial service or find other, more permanent ways to memorialise their colleague, such as:

• Naming a room in the building after them.
• Planting a small tree on site.
• Holding a fund-raising event their name, with proceeds going to a charity relating to the cause of the death, or according to the family’s choice.

If the person who died has a designated work area, it may be appropriate for team members to put messages in a small container on their desk that can be collected and sent, or given to the family.

The above will provide a positive focal point for grief experienced by colleagues.

Death of Someone Significant to a Member of Staff

The symptoms of grief – especially forgetfulness, lack of concentration, and difficulty in making decisions – conflict with recognised workplace behaviour, so it is important for the bereaved person to have some flexibility in their workload.

A Manager or Team Leader should:

• State you are extremely sorry to hear their news.
• Ask permission to inform their colleagues about the loss.
• Suggest they contact you when they’ve had time to digest the news.
• Immediately acknowledge the death by sending a card from management and co-workers.
• Notify their deputy or co-worker and arrange a meeting to discuss how to cover that person’s workload for an initial two-week period.
• Have a plan for an additional few weeks; you may not need it, but it’s better to be prepared than scramble to find a last minute solution.
• If appropriate, ask if one or two colleagues can attend the funeral, to give the employee a sense that the company is involved and supportive.
• If no one can attend the funeral, arrange for flowers to be sent, but check first if this is suitable – not all religious beliefs appreciate this gesture.
• Ask the bereaved person how you can best support them when they return to work.

A Bereaved Person’s Return to Work

A separate policy should be implemented for the bereaved person’s return to the workplace. Many complain that they are greeted with a wall of silence by their co-workers, who don’t know what to say and, scared of saying the ‘wrong thing’, say nothing at all. When this happens, the bereaved person not only has to deal with their loss, but also with a feeling of isolation at a time when they most need support.

The following procedures may be helpful:

• If appropriate, a small arrangement of flowers in a vase on their desk with a card that can simply state ‘from all of us’, if they have been off work for an extended period.
• Showing continued interest in their wellbeing over several months, remembering that grief doesn’t have an end date.
• Giving the employee a reasonable amount of flexibility in both working hours and time off, which can help them cope with the combined stress of work and grief.
• Understanding the grief process takes time, and that the worker cannot ‘snap out of it’.
• If you are part of a large company, it may be a good long-term strategy to set up a directory of phone numbers of other employees who have experienced a loss, and who are prepared to meet with the bereaved employee during lunch hours, if needed.

The importance here is to acknowledge the loss and grief the person may be experiencing, not pretend it hasn’t happened and it is just another day in the life of the employee.

What to say?

Many people find it very difficult to phone or approach someone who has recently been bereaved, and often put it off until it is too late. (https://www.aura.life/articles/what-to-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say)

Consider the following phrases:

• Please let me know if I can help in any way.
• If you need to talk, my door is open.
• If there is any way the company can support you through this, please let me know.
• I am very sorry to hear of your loss. How can I best support you?
• I can lighten your workload for a period of time, if you feel that will be helpful to you.

‘I don’t know what to say’ or, ‘I wish I knew what to say’ is much better than saying nothing at all.

Policies and procedures are critical to the success of any organisation but, when it comes to bereavement in the workplace, kindness and compassion are the only two words that really matter.

** https://www.sueryder.org/sites/default/files/2021-01/Sue_Ryder_Grief_in_the_workplace_report_0.pdf