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Written by Adam McIlroy.
16 minute read
Breaking bad news well comes down to a few important things: prepare what you need to say, choose the right moment and place, be honest and clear, and give the person time and space to react. You do not need to find perfect words. Being calm, compassionate and present matters more.
Some conversations are particularly difficult. You might need to tell someone that a loved one has died, share news about a serious illness, speak to a child about something upsetting, or explain a difficult situation to your partner, parents or employer. Who you are speaking to and what has happened will shape how you approach the conversation.
This guide offers a practical framework for talking about death and dying and other difficult subjects, alongside more specific advice for breaking bad news about death or illness and speaking to children, partners, parents, colleagues and people experiencing anxiety.
Key takeaways:
How you break bad news should reflect both what has happened and who you are speaking to. The basic principles remain the same: be clear, compassionate and honest, then give the person time to process what they have heard.
When telling someone that a person has died, choose a private setting, be present if you can and use clear words such as “died” or “has died”. Give a brief warning that difficult news is coming, then tell them what has happened without delaying or over-explaining.
If you are announcing a death to friends or extended family, the same principles apply. Tell those closest to the person privately where possible before sharing the news more widely, and consider whether a phone call or carefully worded message is most appropriate for people you cannot speak to in person.
Pause afterwards. They may cry, become angry, ask questions or say nothing at all. Allow that reaction and avoid feeling that you need to fill every silence.
In the days that follow, grief can affect everyone differently. Understanding how to deal with grief can help you support them without placing expectations on how they should feel or behave. If the death has only just happened, there may also be practical decisions to make. Aura can support families with the immediate arrangements while giving them the time and space they need to grieve.
When sharing news about a serious illness or diagnosis, explain what you know clearly and distinguish it from what remains uncertain. Avoid speculating about causes, treatment or prognosis if you are not qualified or do not have the information.
Give the person time to ask questions and be comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” If appropriate, write down important information or suggest speaking to the relevant healthcare professional together.
Tell your partner privately, directly and as soon as reasonably possible. Trying to protect them by withholding important information can sometimes make the eventual conversation more difficult.
Explain what has happened, allow them to respond in their own way and avoid telling them how they should feel. If the news affects you both, you do not have to solve everything immediately. Agreeing on the first practical step can be enough for one conversation.
When breaking bad news to your parents, be clear while taking account of their individual needs. If both parents should hear the news and it is practical, telling them together may allow them to support one another.
For an older parent who lives alone, consider whether someone trusted can be with them afterwards. If a parent has dementia or another cognitive condition, the conversation may need to be adapted to their level of understanding. This can be particularly important when supporting someone with dementia at the end of life, when changes in memory, communication and understanding can make difficult conversations more challenging. Dementia UK offers guidance on breaking difficult news to someone with dementia, including considering whether repeating upsetting information is always in the person’s best interests.
Children should generally be given honest, simple and age-appropriate information. When someone has died, use clear language such as “died” rather than phrases such as “gone to sleep”, which younger children may interpret literally. This can be especially important following the unexpected death of a loved one, when there may have been little or no opportunity to prepare them for what has happened.
Explain what has happened in small pieces and let their questions guide how much more you say. Reassure them about practical concerns, particularly who will look after them and what will happen next. Children may return to the same questions repeatedly as they gradually understand the news.
If someone experiences anxiety, tell them difficult news clearly and without unnecessary build-up. A message such as “We need to talk later” without explaining why can leave them worrying about possibilities that may be worse than the reality.
Once you have explained what has happened, pause and listen. They may need information repeated or clarified. Avoid vague reassurance such as “everything will be fine”; instead, focus on what is known, what happens next and how you can support them.
In the workplace, bad news should be timely, factual and appropriate to the seriousness of the situation. Whether you are reporting a missed deadline or failed project, giving difficult performance feedback, denying a promotion or discussing job loss, explain the key information clearly rather than hiding it behind overly positive language.
For sensitive news such as redundancy, dismissal, a performance review or promotion decision, speak privately and explain the reasoning and next steps. Managers should give the employee an opportunity to respond and ask questions.
If you need to tell your boss about bad news in your personal life, you only need to share as much as is necessary. A bereavement or serious illness may affect your work or mean you need time away, so speaking to your manager or HR early can help you understand what support or compassionate leave for a funeral may be available. Understanding how bereavement in the workplace is handled can also help both employees and managers navigate time off, returning to work and ongoing support after a loss.
By doing the following, you can help yourself to get over the fear of breaking bad news:
Breaking bad news is never a pleasant thing to do, and, no matter how well you prepare, it’s always bound to feel a bit difficult, and to be an emotional conversation.
Support should not necessarily end when the conversation does. After sharing difficult news, check in with the person later, listen without pressuring them to talk and offer specific practical help where you can.
Rather than saying “let me know if you need anything”, you might offer to make a phone call, contact someone they trust, prepare some food or simply stay with them for a while. If the news involves a death or serious illness, grief and distress may continue long after the initial conversation.
Bereavement support is available through organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Support, while a GP can help if grief or distress is affecting someone’s health or daily life. If someone is struggling and needs somebody to talk to, Samaritans also provides emotional support.
We hope that this has been a useful article for you. We understand that, if you’re looking for guidance on how to break bad news, then you might have recently lost someone close to you, or you might be thinking about how to prepare for your own funeral in the future.
Aura offers a low-cost, modern alternative to the traditional funeral through our top-rated direct cremation services. These services are available to those who need our support at short notice, and we also provide prepaid funeral plans for those looking to the future. In both cases, throughout the planning process, our wonderful, compassionate Aura Angel team will be assisting you or your family throughout.
Should you feel you need it, aside from their guidance on practical matters and the paperwork, they can also support you through some of the difficult conversations we’ve discussed in this article. They’re always available on the phone should you need them, and we’re ready to answer any questions you might have.
Where possible, share serious news in person, and choose a calm, private setting. Speak clearly and factually, avoid vague or overly softened language, and allow space for the other person to process their emotions.
In-person communication is ideal, especially for serious or life-altering news. If that’s not possible, a phone or video call is the next best option. Text messages or emails should be avoided for significant news unless there is absolutely no alternative.
Speak calmly and clearly, avoid vague hints, and be patient if they need clarification or reassurance. Allow them to ask questions, and try not to overwhelm them with too much information at once.
Be honest but age-appropriate. Let children ask questions and answer them simply and directly. Encouraging open conversation helps them process what’s happened and feel safe in expressing their emotions.
Give them time to process the news and listen without pressuring them to talk. Check in again afterwards rather than assuming the conversation is finished. Practical offers, such as contacting somebody they trust or helping with an immediate task, can be valuable. Where appropriate, help them find professional or bereavement support.
Be direct but gentle. Share the news in private and at a time when they can absorb it without distractions. Be present with them through their emotional response and avoid trying to manage or direct how they should feel.
Plan what you’re going to say ahead of time. Practise it aloud or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that your role is to inform with kindness and respect—you’re not responsible for the situation itself.
Avoid vague euphemisms, clichés, excessive detail and false reassurance. Phrases such as “everything happens for a reason” or “at least…” can unintentionally minimise someone’s feelings. When communicating a death, particularly to children, clear words are usually kinder than potentially confusing phrases such as “gone to sleep” or “we lost them”.
Yes. It’s entirely normal to feel emotional when delivering difficult news, especially about death or illness. Expressing genuine emotion can help the other person feel seen and supported, as long as you remain composed enough to communicate clearly.
SPIKES is a six-step communication framework originally developed for healthcare conversations. It covers Setting, Perception, Invitation, Knowledge, Emotions, and Strategy and support. In everyday situations, it provides a useful structure for preparing the conversation, explaining difficult news clearly, responding empathetically and helping the person understand what happens next.