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Save £100 when you purchase two funeral plans together. Call us for more details.
If you’re reading this because you’ve lost someone you love to suicide, or are doing your best to support someone who has, we just want to say how very sorry we are.
This is not the kind of loss anyone can prepare for, and the emotions that follow can feel unbearable. You might be searching for answers, struggling with guilt, or simply trying to get through each day. Whatever brought you here, please know that you are not alone.
This guide is here to help. It won’t take away the hurt, but we hope that it will offer guidance, reassurance, and a reminder that your grief matters.
If you’re struggling to come to terms with the loss of a loved one who has died by suicide, or you are experiencing suicidal thoughts yourself, please know that there is a lot of help available to you. We have listed the contact details of places that can support you below:
The Samaritans are a free charity who have trained professionals on the other end of the phone at all times, and they are there to support you during this time.
Telephone number: Call 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Website: Samaritans.org
Papyrus Suicide Prevention is a charity dedicated to preventing young suicide by offering confidential support, advice, and resources for individuals and communities.
Telephone number: Call 01925 572 444
Email: admin@papyrus-uk.org
Website: Papyrus-uk.org
Cruse Bereavement is a charity providing free support, counselling, and resources to help people navigate grief after losing a loved one.
Telephone number: Call 0808 808 1677
Online enquiry form: Online form
Website: Cruse.org.uk
Learning how to deal with grief after a suicide is complicated. It can carry not only sorrow but also confusion, anger, and often a deep sense of isolation. You may be left with unanswered questions or feel like no one truly understands what you’re going through. But even in this unimaginable pain, healing is possible. With time, support, and self-compassion, you can begin to make sense of this loss and find a way to move forward while honouring your loved one’s memory.
This type of loss comes with some unique challenges. Many people find themselves asking “Why?” or wondering if they could have done something to prevent it. Unlike other types of loss, such as the loss of a parent, or a more expected death as the result of a terminal illness, suicide often carries an added layer of shock.
Guilt
You may replay past conversations or moments, questioning whether you missed warning signs… anything you could have said or done differently. Maybe you think back to a time they seemed down but brushed it off, or you regret not reaching out more often. These thoughts are completely normal, but they can also be incredibly unfair to yourself. Hindsight has a way of making things seem clearer than they really were at the time. Try to remind yourself that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and that your love and care for them still mattered.
Anger
Anger after a suicide can be confusing. You might feel angry at your loved one for leaving unexpectedly, for not reaching out, or for the pain they’ve left behind. At the same time, you might turn that anger inward, blaming yourself for not preventing it. You may even feel frustrated with others who don’t seem to understand what you’re going through.
These emotions can be hard to admit, especially if part of you feels guilty for being angry at someone who was suffering. But anger is a natural part of grief. It doesn’t mean you loved them any less, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s okay to feel hurt, let down, or even abandoned. What matters is giving yourself the space to feel those emotions without judgment and finding methods to express them in a way that helps you heal.
Shame and stigma
Losing someone in this way can feel incredibly unseen—not just because they’re gone, but because of how your community may react to suicide. People don’t always know what to say, and sometimes they may unintentionally say something that causes more upset. You might notice others avoiding the topic or offering awkward, uncomfortable condolences.
This can leave you feeling like you have to hide your grief or soften the truth when talking about your loss. You might worry about how others will react or even question whether you should tell people how your loved one died. But you don’t have to carry that weight alone.
There is nothing shameful about losing someone to suicide, and your grief is just as valid as any other type of loss. Finding safe spaces, whether in support groups, the homes of trusted friends, or an understanding therapist’s office, can help you process your emotions without fear of judgment.
Suicide is not a simple decision…it is often the result of mental health struggles, trauma, or unbearable emotional pain. Factors like depression, PTSD, addiction, or overwhelming life stressors can make life feel impossible for someone suffering.
Rather than viewing suicide as a choice, it’s more helpful to try to understand it as a response to extreme suffering. Recognising this can help survivors of loss let go of blame and guilt.
Debunking myths about suicide
Many misconceptions about suicide persist today. Here are some truths to consider:
The role of prevention and awareness
Suicide prevention starts with open conversations and education. Recognising warning signs such as withdrawal, sudden mood changes, or hopelessness can help people get the support they need before it’s too late.
In the immediate aftermath of a suicide, everything can feel unreal. It’s okay to take things one step at a time. First, make sure you have support if possible, whether that’s a trusted friend, family member, or professional who can help you process what’s happening.
There are also practical matters that need to be handled, which can feel like too much when you’re grieving. Knowing what to do when someone dies, from registering the death to arranging the funeral, can help bring some clarity in a difficult time. You don’t have to handle everything all at once; right now, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself and take things moment by moment.
Grief can feel incredibly solitary, but reaching out for support, no matter how small, can make a big difference. Lean on family and friends who can offer comfort, even if it’s just sitting with you in silence. If talking to loved ones feels too difficult, consider joining a support group for suicide loss survivors, where others truly understand what you’re going through. A therapist or grief counsellor trained in suicide bereavement can also help you process your emotions in a safe, judgment-free space. However you choose to seek support, remember that you don’t have to carry this weight on your own.
In the days following a suicide, the weight of both grief and practical responsibilities can feel overwhelming. While emotions may feel all-consuming, certain tasks need to be addressed, which can add to the stress. You don’t have to handle everything all at once…taking things step by step and leaning on others for support can help lighten the pressure.
Right now, your main priority should be taking care of yourself while handling what needs to be done at a pace that feels manageable.
With all of the emotions that come with coping with the suicide of a loved one, you might be feeling in an intense state of exhaustion. In the midst of investigating what type of leave you can take for a funeral, sorting out your loved one’s digital afterlife and more, planning a funeral can feel daunting. Some families find that keeping things simple helps them focus on grieving in their own way, rather than navigating the complexities and cost of a traditional funeral service.
Why some families choose direct cremation
Direct cremation is a straightforward, no-fuss funeral option where the cremation takes place without a formal service. This allows families to take their time deciding how they want to honour their loved one, whether that’s through a private memorial, a meaningful gathering, or something more personal like scattering ashes in a special place.
Some reasons families choose direct cremation after a suicide include:
If you’re struggling to decide on funeral arrangements, know that there is no right or wrong way to pay tribute to your loved one. What matters most is choosing something that feels meaningful and manageable for you and your family.
Understanding the need for self-care
Many people are surprised to learn that grief can take a physical toll as well as a mental one. Our ability to endure difficult times depends on a foundation of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being—often called our ‘pillars of strength.’ While grief can shake these foundations, making an effort to do the following can offer real benefits:
Navigating guilt and blame
Many people struggle with ‘What if?’ questions after a suicide. It’s important to remember:
Unfortunately, suicide can carry shame or judgment from others. Some people may avoid the topic or say hurtful things out of ignorance.
Accepting and processing the loss
There is no ‘right’ way to grieve. Some helpful coping strategies include:
Talking about your feelings can sometimes help to ease loneliness. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy, emotional conversation if you’re not ready. Sometimes, just being around people who understand, sharing a quiet moment, or reminiscing about good memories can bring comfort.
You might consider attending or organising family gatherings where everyone can share stories and support each other. If big gatherings feel overwhelming, try having one-on-one conversations with a close friend or relative you trust. Even something as simple as sending a message to check in can be a step toward connection.
Another way to honour your loved one together is through group remembrance activities, like lighting a candle on their birthday or the anniversary of their death. Some families create traditions: writing letters to them, playing their favourite music, or visiting a meaningful place. Finding ways to remember them as a group can help strengthen your support system and remind you that you’re not navigating grief alone.
Support groups provide a space where others understand your loss. You may find comfort in:
A grief counsellor or therapist can help you navigate complex emotions. You can also seek out mental health professionals who specialise in suicide bereavement.
Keeping your loved one’s memory alive can bring comfort and healing. Ideas include:
It might help to focus on the joyful moments you shared together. Some ways to celebrate their life:
As time passes, you will begin to rebuild your life. For some this might come more quickly than others, but try not to judge the speed in which you are putting things back together. Here are some tips for moving forward:
Establish new routines that bring stability
Grief can make everyday life feel unpredictable, but creating small, steady routines can help bring a sense of normalcy. This might mean setting a regular time for meals, going for a morning walk, or dedicating a quiet moment each day to reflect or journal. These routines don’t have to be major changes, just small habits that provide structure and a feeling of control during a time when so much feels uncertain.
Engage in meaningful activities that connect you to others
When grieving, it’s easy to withdraw from people, but staying connected can offer comfort. Even casual meetups like having coffee with a friend can remind you that you’re not alone and that connection is still possible, even in grief.
Allow yourself to experience happiness
After a loss, moments of joy might feel strange or even bring guilt, as if being happy means forgetting the person you lost. But finding joy doesn’t mean leaving them behind—it means carrying their memory forward in a way that allows you to keep living. Whether it’s laughing at a funny memory, enjoying a favourite hobby, or simply appreciating a beautiful moment, happiness is not a betrayal of grief. It’s a sign that healing is happening, even in small ways.
Your experience can inspire hope and change. Consider:
Grieving a suicide loss is a very personal and complex journey, and there’s no single way to navigate it. At Aura, we understand that every family’s needs are different, which is why we offer compassionate, flexible funeral services that give you the space to commemorate your loved one in a way that feels right for you.
Aura’s direct cremation services provide a simple, affordable, and dignified alternative to traditional funerals. Some families choose an unattended cremation while others who wish to have a service at a local crematorium may prefer an intimate farewell funeral or attended direct cremation option.
With the compassionate, professional care of our dedicated Aura Angels, we ensure every detail is handled with empathy and respect. For those looking to plan ahead, we also offer our all-inclusive pre-paid funeral plans. If you have any questions, our friendly team is always here to help—just reach out.
