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5 minute read
When I started researching bereavement support for this article, I was reminded of a loss that my family suffered. On 19 March 1961, my adopted parents lost their first-born child, Kay, to a brain tumour at two years of age.
Somehow, despite almost overwhelming grief, Mum and Dad not only survived their loss, they made sure that Kay’s memory was always part of family life and, although I never got to meet her, I have always known who she was and how much she was loved.
I have always been inspired by the way my parents coped with such a tragedy, especially as I recently discovered they received no organised emotional or financial bereavement care or support.
When I probed a little deeper my mum said, “There just wasn’t any help. We walked into the hospital with our baby, and three weeks later we walked out of the hospital without her. We just had to cope.”
Fortunately, things have changed and now the UK has an extensive network of organisations dedicated to help those who are bereaved. However, since conducting research for this article in the hope of discovering exactly what bereavement care and support is out there, I’ve come to understand that the first thing we need to do is ask:
The online medical dictionary cites Seden’s © 2012, which provides the following description:
“Formalised care and support that is given to bereaved individuals to help them navigate the emotional and practical problems that may be encountered after the death of a loved one.”
This wide and rather vague description confirms that since the pioneering work of Margaret Torrie, who established The Cruse Clubs Counselling Service in 1959 after witnessing the emotional distress and financial hardships suffered by widows and their families, much has changed. That groundbreaking charity was the forerunner of Cruse Bereavement Support which still leads the charge towards helping those affected by the death of a loved one.
Cruse not only has a comprehensive website they also have a telephone helpline. To speak to one of the fully trained and compassionate bereavement volunteers at Cruse, all you need to do is dial 0808 808 1677.
This free-to-call phone line is open 7 days a week, and on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday the line is open until 8pm.
Cruse, understanding that every individual experiences grief differently, also offer personalised support via a simple to follow online process accessed via their Get Support page.
If you would rather find help locally, every council in the UK has a department devoted to bereavement services. This can be accessed via Gov.UK. Once on the page, simply fill in your postcode and you will be directed to council-funded help in your area.
As my family knows, the loss of an infant or child can be devastating — even very close friends sometimes struggle to understand the life-altering impact of such a loss, or the longevity of the despair that bereaved parents experience. The Compassionate Friends was formed in 1969 by and for parents who have lost a child or infant. They will help anyone who reaches out, irrespective of the child’s age when they died or the cause of death. TCF is a charity that is independent of any religious, philosophical or government body and also has a telephone helpline that is open every day between 10 am – 4pm and 7pm – 10pm. If you dial 0345 123 2304, your call will be answered by a bereaved parent who has volunteered to help others find their way.
Specialised bereavement support is also available for children who are struggling to cope with loss. Child Bereavement UK provides help to children, their parents and to other significant adults who occupy a prominent place in the child’s life. This wonderful organisation offers an expertly manned helpline 0800 02 888 40.
Also understanding that sometimes, a situation is too painful to even talk about, Child Bereavement UK have also created a series of short films which are available on YouTube, including telling a child that someone has died, parenting bereaved children and remembering someone who has died.
Apart from the emotional distress experienced after a loved one has died, many individuals and families also face financial worries. Figuring out how to make ends meet can add to what is already a very heavy burden but help is available and the UK government supports those who need financial help through the Bereavement Support Payment
The website is clear, easy to navigate and also confirms eligibility, how to claim and how much you will receive. The monthly payments are dependent upon personal circumstances — often linked to child benefit payments — and are divided into a higher and lower rate. In most situations, these payments will make a difference but you must claim within 3 months of your partner’s death to get the full amount. If you claim later, you will get fewer monthly payments.
As the cost of a funeral can create an unplanned debt, which can also add to the feelings of helplessness after someone has died, financial assistance to help with funeral expenses is also available. As with the Bereavement Support Payment, the eligibility criteria must be met and a PDF version of the complete guide on how you can claim is available here. You might be able to get other help to pay for the funeral if you’re not eligible for Funeral Expenses Payment.
Although, as mentioned earlier, the network of bereavement care and support in this country is now comprehensive and covers both emotional and practical help. More significantly, whilst compiling this article, I have learned that the unassisted void my parents found themselves in some sixty years ago has been filled by compassionate, knowledgeable and kind people who are ready to listen to anyone who needs to talk.
