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Written by Mitch Tapner.
9 minute read
A funeral wake is a gathering where family and friends come together to remember someone who has died. It usually takes place around the time of the funeral, and gives people space to talk, share memories, and support one another in a more relaxed setting.
If you’re planning a funeral or helping a loved one, it’s natural to feel unsure about what a wake involves. This guide explains what a funeral wake is, what happens at one, how it differs from a funeral, and how to plan something that feels right for you.
Key takeaways:
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The word “wake” comes from an old term meaning to watch or keep vigil. It’s linked to Irish traditions, where people would sit with the person who has died, often overnight, before burial.
Today in the UK, a wake usually refers to a gathering after the funeral, rather than an overnight vigil. You might also hear it called a funeral reception, or simply a gathering after the service.
A funeral and a wake are different, although they often happen on the same day.
What you can expect at a funeral is a more formal or traditional goodbye to the person who has died. It usually takes place at a crematorium, church, or place of worship, and follows a structure led by a family member, celebrant or minister. This often includes readings, music, and the committal of the coffin for cremation or burial.
A wake is more informal. It’s a chance for people to come together, talk freely, and remember the person in their own way.
| Aspect | Funeral | Wake |
|---|---|---|
| Formality | Structured and formal | Informal and relaxed |
| Location | Crematorium, church, or place of worship | Home, pub, hall, or other venue |
| Led by | Family, celebrant or religious leader | No formal leader |
| What happens | Readings, music, tributes, farewells | Conversation, food, shared memories |
Both can play an important role. You may choose to have one, both, or neither, whatever feels right for you and your family.
In the UK, a wake most often takes place after the funeral service. This is what many people are familiar with, and is part of wider British funeral traditions.
After the service, people gather at a chosen venue to share food, drinks, and memories. It can help ease the shift from a formal goodbye to something more personal and reflective.
In some traditions, a wake may happen before the funeral. This is sometimes called a ‘wake keeping’ or ‘wake keep’, and may involve spending time with the person who has died, often at home or in a dedicated care setting.
Some people also choose a living funeral, where they gather with loved ones before they die to share memories and say goodbye in person.
Every family and culture is different. There’s no fixed rule, only what feels right to you.
A funeral wake is usually calm, supportive, and unstructured. It’s a time for remembering a loved one, where people come together simply to be with one another.
You might see:
Some families add personal touches, such as a memory book where people can write messages, or a table with meaningful items. Others keep things simple, with just conversation and time together.
There’s no pressure to behave in a certain way. Some wakes are quiet and reflective, while others feel more like a celebration of life. Both are completely valid.
If you’re attending, you don’t usually need to do anything special. Just being there is often enough. It can also be thoughtful to check in with the family of the person who has died beforehand to ask whether there’s anything you can help with or bring along, such as food, photographs, or personal memories for the service. In most cases, they won’t expect anything from you, but the offer itself can mean a great deal.
If you’re looking for funeral wake ideas, small personal touches can help people connect and share memories:
Common options include:
Some families choose a place that meant something to the person who has died, such as a favourite pub or club. It doesn’t need to be perfect, just somewhere that feels comfortable for those attending.
A wake can be private or open. A private wake is for close family and friends. A public wake is open to anyone who knew the person who has died.
There’s no right or wrong choice. Think about what feels manageable and most supportive for you.
Buffet-style food is common, as it’s simple and flexible. Sandwiches, cakes, and light snacks are usually enough.
You can arrange catering through the venue, or organise it yourself if the gathering is small. It doesn’t need to be elaborate, people will understand.
Small touches can help people connect and share memories:
These can give people gentle ways to take part, especially if they find it difficult to speak.
A wake is usually less formal than a funeral. Smart casual clothing is generally appropriate.
If you’re attending straight after the funeral, most people stay in what they wore to the service, which will often be darker colours.
If you’re only going to the wake, a simple and respectful outfit is enough. Bright colours may be appropriate if the family has asked for them, particularly for a celebration of life.
If you’re unsure, it’s always fine to keep things simple. Your presence matters far more than what you wear.
You don’t usually need to bring anything. A condolence card is a thoughtful gesture and is often appreciated by the family.
If the family has asked for help, such as bringing food, then you can follow their lead. Otherwise, it’s fine to come as you are.
Some people choose to bring flowers, memorial gifts, or a small token, but this is not expected.
No, a wake isn’t required. There’s no rule that says you must have one.
Some families choose not to hold a wake. This might be because the person didn’t want one, the family is small, or it simply feels like too much to arrange at the time.
There are other ways to mark the moment. A quiet meal, a small gathering at home, or a personal moment of reflection can be just as meaningful.
If you’re choosing to have an unattended funeral like a direct cremation, you can still have a wake or end-of-life celebration whenever you wish. The cremation itself is simple and private, which can give you more space to plan a gathering in your own time, without pressure.
There’s no single way to say goodbye. A funeral wake, a small gathering, or a quiet moment with close family can all be meaningful.
What matters most is that it reflects the person who has died and gives people space to come together.
If you’re arranging a funeral or thinking ahead, Aura can help you plan a simple cremation that leaves room for the kind of farewell you want. Call us on 0800 808 5723 whenever you feel ready. There’s no rush, just a friendly voice when you need it.
No. A funeral is a formal service, often led by a family member, celebrant or religious figure. A wake is a more informal gathering before or after, where people come together to remember and support one another.
Most wakes last between two and four hours. You don’t need to stay for the whole time, just coming to pay your respects, even briefly, is enough.
Yes. Some families, particularly those choosing direct cremation, hold a wake or celebration of life without a formal service. It can take place whenever it feels right.
Common venues include a family home, a church hall, a local pub, or a hotel. Some people choose a place that held meaning for the person who has died.
A wake keeping service, sometimes called a wake keep, is a traditional vigil. It often takes place the night before the funeral, where family and friends gather to spend time with the person who has died. It is still observed in some Irish and Catholic communities.
Usually, the immediate family or the person arranging the funeral organises the wake. Friends or relatives may help if needed.