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Written by Mitch Tapner.
14 minute read
Planning ahead can give your family clarity and reassurance when they need it most. Alongside a will, many people choose to leave additional guidance to help their loved ones understand their personal wishes and the decisions they’ve made.
In this guide, we’ll explain how a letter of wishes works, what you might include and when it can be useful. You’ll also find a practical letter of wishes example and a sample letter of wishes for a will that you can adapt to suit your own circumstances.
Key takeaways:
We understand that discussing end-of-life plans with your family may not always feel easy, but it can provide peace of mind once it’s done. Our guide is here to offer you helpful advice on how to talk to your loved ones about direct cremation in a simple, clear way.
For tips on how to make these conversations easier, click the link below to download our guide.
A letter of wishes is a written document that accompanies a will and provides personal guidance to executors, trustees and family members about how you would like your wishes to be carried out. Unlike a will, it is not legally binding, but it can help the people you leave behind understand what matters most to you.
A will deals with legal matters such as who inherits your estate, who acts as your executor and who becomes a guardian for children under 18.
One of the most important decisions when writing a will is choosing an executor. The executor of a will is responsible for carrying out your instructions and managing your estate, which is why a letter of wishes can provide valuable guidance to support them. A letter of wishes provides the personal context behind those decisions.
Many people use a letter of wishes to explain:
One of the main benefits of a letter of wishes is flexibility. Unlike a will, which usually requires a formal amendment known as a codicil if changes are made, a letter of wishes can be updated whenever your circumstances change.
Because it remains private and does not normally form part of the probate process, many people feel more comfortable including personal thoughts and explanations in a letter of wishes than in their will.
A will is a legally binding document that sets out what happens to your estate after you die. A letter of wishes is an informal document that provides additional guidance but does not have legal force.
| Will | Letter of Wishes |
|---|---|
| Legally binding | Not legally binding |
| Usually becomes public through probate | Remains private |
| Formal process to amend | Can be updated at any time |
| Appoints executors and guardians | Provides guidance and context |
| Distributes assets | Explains personal wishes |
A letter of wishes should never replace a will. If you die without a will, the rules of intestacy determine who inherits your estate. While a letter of wishes may still provide useful guidance, it cannot override the law.
This highlights the importance of writing a will. While a letter of wishes can explain your preferences, only a valid will can set out legally binding instructions about what happens to your estate after you die.
For most people, the best approach is to use both documents together. The will provides the legal instructions, while the letter of wishes helps explain the thinking behind them.
If you’re unsure about making a will, appointing an executor or planning your estate, organisations such as Citizens Advice can provide free information and guidance.
There is no set format for a letter of wishes. The most important thing is that it reflects your priorities and provides clear guidance for the people you trust.
One of the most common reasons for writing a letter of wishes is to record funeral preferences. It can make things much easier for the people who will need to plan a funeral, helping them feel confident they’re honouring your wishes.
You may wish to include:
If you have already purchased a funeral plan, include the provider’s details. If you have recorded your wishes through Aura Circle, mention this so your family knows where to find them.
Many families experience disagreements over sentimental items rather than financial assets.
A letter of wishes can help explain who you would like to receive:
Because a letter of wishes can be updated easily, it is often more practical than listing individual items in your will.
If you have children under 18, your will appoints their legal guardian. Your letter of wishes can provide additional guidance about how you hope your children will be raised.
You may wish to discuss:
This guidance can be incredibly meaningful for guardians who may need to make important decisions in the future.
Where a trust exists, trustees often have discretion over how and when funds are used.
If you are setting up a trust for children, grandchildren or other loved ones, a letter of wishes can help explain how you hope those funds will be managed in the future.
A letter of wishes allows you to explain:
Trustees are not legally required to follow these wishes, but they will often take them into careful consideration.
Sometimes people make decisions in their will that may come as a surprise to family members.
For example:
A clear explanation can help reduce misunderstandings and may provide reassurance if questions arise later.
Many people use a letter of wishes to leave personal messages for loved ones.
These messages often become some of the most treasured parts of the document because they can bring comfort long after practical matters have been dealt with.
You may wish to include details about:
Pets are an important part of many families and are often overlooked during estate planning.
You may choose to include general preferences about future care and treatment.
However, it is important to understand that a letter of wishes cannot replace an Advance Decision (sometimes called a Living Will in England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or an Advance Directive in Scotland.
If you want to make legally binding refusals of medical treatment, separate documentation is required under the relevant legislation, including the Mental Capacity Act 2005.
Consider including instructions about:
Do not include passwords directly in your letter of wishes. Store them securely elsewhere and make sure your executor knows how to access them.
The example below is designed as a practical starting point.
Date: 12 June 2026
My name is Sarah Thompson and this letter accompanies my will dated 12 June 2026. While my will contains my legal instructions, I hope this letter helps explain my personal wishes and provides guidance where needed.
I would like a direct cremation without a formal funeral service beforehand. A direct cremation may be the most suitable option if this matches your preferences.
Afterwards, I would like family and close friends to gather for an informal celebration of my life. Please play “What A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong and encourage people to share stories rather than give formal speeches.
Instead of flowers, I would appreciate donations to Cancer Research UK.
I would like my ashes to be scattered along the Northumberland coastline, where our family spent many happy holidays together.
My grandmother’s sapphire necklace should go to my daughter Eleanor.
My collection of gardening books should go to my brother James, who has always shared my love of gardening.
Family photo albums should remain available to all family members. If possible, please digitise them so future generations can enjoy them too.
If any funds remain in trust for my grandchildren, I would like trustees to prioritise education, training and opportunities that help them become independent adults.
Please encourage sensible financial decisions rather than early access to large sums of money.
I have chosen to leave a larger share of my estate to Eleanor because she provided substantial care and support during my illness. This decision reflects gratitude rather than favouritism.
I would like Charlie to live with my sister Rebecca if she is willing. His medication routine should continue exactly as prescribed by our vet.
To my family, thank you for the love, laughter and support you have given me throughout my life.
Please remember me through the moments we shared rather than the circumstances of my death. Look after one another and continue creating happy memories together.
With all my love,
Sarah Thompson
Signed: Sarah Thompson
12 June 2026
Writing a letter of wishes does not need to be complicated.
1. Make a list
Start by identifying the areas you want to cover. Funeral arrangements, family guidance, personal belongings and messages are common starting points.
2. Use plain English
Avoid legal language wherever possible. Your executors and family should be able to understand your wishes easily.
3. Focus on what matters
Be detailed about the things that matter most to you, while allowing flexibility elsewhere. Your loved ones may face circumstances that are impossible to predict.
4. Sign and date it
Always include the date and your signature. This helps identify the most recent version.
5. Keep it with your will
Store your letter where your executors can find it easily.
6. Review it regularly
Major life events such as marriage, divorce, bereavement, retirement or illness are good opportunities to review and update your letter.
No. A letter of wishes is not legally binding.
Executors are not legally required to follow its contents and it cannot override the instructions in a valid will.
However, many executors and trustees take letters of wishes seriously because they provide valuable insight into the intentions of the person who wrote them.
For trustees in particular, a letter of wishes can become an important source of guidance when making decisions on behalf of beneficiaries.
Several estate planning documents sound similar but serve very different purposes.
A will is legally binding. A letter of wishes provides guidance and context.
An Advance Decision allows someone to refuse certain medical treatments if they lose mental capacity. When completed correctly, it can be legally binding.
A letter of wishes can describe preferences but cannot legally refuse treatment.
A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) allows someone to make decisions on your behalf if you lose mental capacity.
A letter of wishes cannot appoint decision-makers or grant legal authority.
The terms are sometimes used interchangeably, but letter of wishes is the standard term used in UK estate planning. Letter of intent is more commonly used in commercial or charitable settings.
A letter of wishes should be stored alongside your will, but not physically attached to it.
Suitable locations include:
Avoid stapling or fastening the document to your will. Missing staples can raise questions during probate and may delay the administration of an estate.
Most importantly, make sure your executor knows where to find both documents.
Although a letter of wishes is informal, some mistakes can make it less useful.
Common examples include:
Clear communication can make things much easier for the people you leave behind.
Writing a letter of wishes can be an important part of planning ahead. It gives the people closest to you a clearer understanding of what matters most and can make difficult decisions a little easier when the time comes.
At Aura, we offer a range of services to help people prepare for the future. We provide information to help people understand their funeral options, support those who want to record their funeral wishes, and offer prepaid funeral plans for people who choose to arrange and pay for their funeral in advance.
Aura’s prepaid direct cremation funeral plans provide a simple, lower-cost alternative to a traditional funeral for those who decide that type of funeral is right for them.
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Unlike other providers, we won’t hassle you with constant calls. We’ll simply ensure you have the information you need and leave you to come to a decision in your own time. When you’re ready for us, our team will be ready to help.
A letter of wishes is an informal document that accompanies a will and provides guidance to executors, trustees and family members about your preferences after you die.
No. A letter of wishes cannot replace a will. The legal distribution of your estate must be set out in a valid will.
No. It provides guidance only and cannot override a will.
Any adult with mental capacity can write a letter of wishes.
No. Unlike a will, a letter of wishes does not usually need to be witnessed.
Yes. Funeral wishes are one of the most common reasons people write a letter of wishes.