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Written by Mitch Tapner.
15 minute read
Being asked to be a pallbearer is often seen as a great honour. For many people, it’s a chance to play an important role in saying goodbye and showing support for someone they cared about.
If you’re arranging a funeral, you may be wondering who can be a pallbearer, what the role involves and whether family members or friends should be asked to take part.
This guide explains the meaning of pallbearers, where the tradition comes from, what the role involves, who can be a pallbearer and how the practice fits into modern UK funerals, including cremations and direct cremations.
Whether you’ve been asked to be a pallbearer and want to know what’s expected, or you’re arranging a funeral and deciding who to ask, this guide will help you understand the role.
Key takeaways:
A pallbearer is a person who helps carry the coffin at a funeral. Traditionally, six or eight pallbearers carry the coffin between them from the hearse into the venue where the service takes place and then onwards to the burial site or crematorium.
Today, the role is not always limited to lifting the coffin. Some pallbearers accompany the coffin by walking beside it, particularly when it is moved on a wheeled bier. In many modern funerals, the symbolic act of accompanying the coffin is just as important as physically carrying it.
The role is often given to people who shared a close connection with the person who has died. Sons, daughters, siblings, grandchildren, friends and colleagues may all serve as pallbearers.
Although the practical arrangements vary, the purpose remains the same. Pallbearers accompany the coffin through the funeral and help ensure the person who has died is carried with dignity and care.
The word pallbearer comes from the word pall, a decorative cloth that traditionally covered the coffin during a funeral procession. The people responsible for carrying either the coffin or the pall itself became known as pallbearers.
The custom dates back centuries. In medieval Europe, a pall symbolised honour and respect for the person who had died. Wealthier families often used richly decorated cloths embroidered with religious or family symbols.
The tradition appears across many cultures. In Roman times, soldiers carried fallen comrades as a mark of respect. Royal funerals often included designated bearers chosen because of their status or relationship to the monarch.
Jewish funerals place particular importance on the role. Carrying the coffin is often viewed as a mitzvah, meaning an act of loving kindness performed for someone who can never repay it.
Christian funerals, Hindu funerals and many other traditions have similar customs. While the details differ, the central idea remains remarkably consistent: accompanying someone on their final journey is an act of honour.
Modern funerals have changed in practical terms. Many venues use wheeled biers, professional pallbearers may assist and funeral services are often smaller than they once were. Yet the symbolism remains powerful. For many families, serving as a pallbearer is one of the most meaningful ways to say goodbye.
Today, serving as a pallbearer remains an important part of many British funeral traditions. While funeral customs continue to evolve, many families value the opportunity to accompany the coffin as a final gesture of love and respect.
Pallbearers have a small number of responsibilities centred on accompanying the coffin through key moments of the funeral. For people wondering what happens at a funeral, pallbearers often play a visible role in helping move or accompany the coffin at the beginning and end of the service.
The main responsibility is helping move the coffin safely and respectfully.
Depending on the funeral arrangements, pallbearers may physically carry the coffin using its handles or walk alongside it while it is moved on a bier. The funeral director will explain exactly what is required and provide guidance before the service begins.
Most people do not need any previous experience. Funeral staff will carefully coordinate each stage of the day.
Pallbearers typically lead or accompany the funeral procession.
They walk at a measured pace from the hearse to the church, chapel, crematorium or other venue. If the coffin is carried again after the service, pallbearers repeat the process as it moves to the burial site or cremation chamber.
The pace is deliberately slow and respectful, and nobody is expected to rush.
Once the coffin has been brought into the venue, pallbearers are usually seated with family and friends.
Being a pallbearer does not automatically mean taking part in readings, eulogies or other elements of the service. Unless they have been invited to contribute separately, pallbearers take part in the ceremony as mourners.
Funeral directors coordinate the practical arrangements on the day.
They explain where pallbearers should stand, when to move, how to lift safely and where to go next. For anyone feeling nervous, this guidance can be reassuring. You’re not expected to know the process beforehand.
Most UK funerals have six pallbearers, although four or eight are also common depending on the size and weight of the coffin.
Six is generally considered the traditional number for an adult funeral. This allows the weight to be distributed evenly and provides stability while carrying the coffin. Four pallbearers may be sufficient for a lighter coffin, particularly when modern carrying handles are used. Eight pallbearers are sometimes chosen for heavier coffins, military funerals or highly formal ceremonies.
Not every funeral requires a full team of six. Some smaller services involve only two or three people accompanying a wheeled bier rather than carrying the coffin themselves.
The funeral director will advise on what is appropriate based on the coffin, venue and practical considerations.
We understand that discussing end-of-life plans with your family may not always feel easy, but it can provide peace of mind once it’s done. Our guide is here to offer you helpful advice on how to talk to your loved ones about direct cremation in a simple, clear way.
For tips on how to make these conversations easier, click the link below to download our guide.
There are no strict rules about who can be a pallbearer in the UK. Traditionally, the role often went to male relatives, but modern funerals are much more inclusive. Pallbearers can be anyone the family chooses.
Family members are the most common choice.
Adult children, siblings, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and other close relatives often take on the role because it provides a personal way to honour someone they loved.
Close friends are also frequently chosen.
For some people, lifelong friendships were just as important as family relationships. Asking friends to carry the coffin can reflect those bonds and recognise the role they played throughout the person’s life.
In some professions, colleagues may act as pallbearers.
Members of the armed forces, emergency services and other close-knit professions sometimes take part in this way, particularly when work formed an important part of the person’s identity.
Many funeral directors can provide professional pallbearers.
These trained individuals carry the coffin when family members prefer not to, are unable to do so physically, or when there are not enough people available. Choosing professional support is common and entirely normal.
No, pallbearers are not always male.
Although the tradition historically favoured men, women are now commonly chosen as pallbearers throughout the UK.
Daughters regularly carry their parents’ coffins. Sisters, granddaughters, close female friends and colleagues also take on the role. Many families choose a mixed group that reflects the important relationships in the person’s life.
Some families continue to follow cultural, religious or personal traditions that favour male pallbearers. Neither choice is right or wrong.
The most important consideration is whether those chosen feel comfortable with the role and, irrespective of gender,, whether they can do so safely.
If weight is a concern, additional pallbearers or a wheeled bier can often be used.
Children can be pallbearers, although suitability depends on their age, maturity and the family’s wishes.
Older teenagers and young adults may take part in carrying the coffin alongside adults. Many families find this can be a meaningful way for younger relatives to be involved.
For younger children, symbolic involvement is often more appropriate. They might walk beside the coffin, carry flowers, place a hand on the coffin or take part in another small gesture during the service.
Funeral directors can advise on what is safe and practical.
Most importantly, children should never feel pressured. They should be invited rather than expected to take part and should always have the option to say no.
An honorary pallbearer is someone recognised as a pallbearer without physically carrying the coffin.
The role allows families to include people who were important to the person who has died but who may not be able to take part in the lifting itself. This could include elderly relatives, people with health conditions, young family members or close friends.
Honorary pallbearers may walk in the procession, sit in a designated area during the service or simply be listed in the order of service.
There is no fixed number of honorary pallbearers. Some families include one or two people, while others recognise a larger group.
For many families, honorary pallbearers provide a thoughtful way to acknowledge important relationships without creating physical demands.
Asking someone to be a pallbearer is usually a personal conversation rather than a formal request.
Most people consider it an honour to be asked, but the role can carry emotional and practical responsibilities. For that reason, it’s worth approaching the conversation thoughtfully.
Where possible, ask in person or over the phone.
Explain what the role will involve, including whether the person will be carrying the coffin, accompanying it, or serving as an honorary pallbearer.
Be clear about the date, location and funeral arrangements.
Most importantly, give the person space to decline. Health concerns, emotional reasons or practical limitations may make the role difficult for them.
If they accept, provide practical details closer to the funeral so they know where to be and what to expect.
Yes, you can decline being a pallbearer.
Although many people see it as an honour, it can also be physically and emotionally demanding. There are many valid reasons why someone may not feel able to take on the role.
Some people have mobility issues, back problems or other health concerns. Others may feel the emotional impact would be too difficult.
If you choose to decline, honesty and kindness are usually enough.
You might say: “I’m honoured you asked me, but I don’t feel able to take on that role.”
You do not need to provide a lengthy explanation. Most families understand that circumstances vary.
If you wish, you could offer to help in another way, such as supporting the family, helping with arrangements or taking part in the service.
Pallbearers typically wear formal dark clothing.
For men, this often means a dark suit, shirt and tie. This is generally considered the traditional funeral dress code for men, although families may request something different to reflect the wishes or personality of the person who has died.
For women, smart dark clothing is generally appropriate.
Some families request particular colours, flowers, ties or accessories that reflect the personality of the person who has died.
Modern funerals are increasingly personalised. Humanist funerals and celebrations of life may include brighter colours or themed clothing chosen to reflect the individual’s character and wishes.
Comfortable footwear is important. Pallbearers may spend long periods standing and walking, sometimes on uneven ground.
If the funeral takes place outdoors, practical considerations such as weather-appropriate clothing are also worth considering.
The role of pallbearers at a cremation depends on the type of service being held.
At a traditional crematorium service, pallbearers usually carry or accompany the coffin from the hearse into the chapel. During the cremation ceremony, they may help guide the coffin into place before the service begins.
The coffin may rest on a catafalque during the ceremony before moving onwards for cremation. The role is very similar to that at other funeral services.
Some attended direct cremations include a simple ceremony with family and friends present.
In these situations, pallbearers may still carry or accompany the coffin. The atmosphere is often less formal than a traditional funeral, but the role itself remains much the same.
An unattended direct cremation takes place without family or friends present.
There is no funeral procession, ceremony or gathering at the crematorium, so there is no role for pallbearers. The funeral provider takes care of all arrangements privately.
Many families who choose this option later hold a memorial or celebration of life where loved ones can come together in a way that feels right for them.
Whether you’re arranging a funeral or supporting someone who has been asked to be a pallbearer, it’s natural to have questions about what to expect. Understanding the different roles people can play in a funeral can help make the day feel a little less daunting.
At Aura, we’re here to guide you through every step of arranging a funeral with compassion and clarity. Whether you’re planning a traditional funeral, an attended direct cremation or an unattended direct cremation followed by a personal memorial, we’ll help you create a farewell that reflects the life of the person you’ve lost.
If you’d like to talk through your options or have any questions about arranging a funeral, our friendly Aura Angels are here whenever you’re ready.
A pallbearer is a person who carries or accompanies the coffin during a funeral. The role combines practical responsibilities with a symbolic act of respect and support.
Six pallbearers is the most common number, although four or eight may also be used depending on the coffin and funeral arrangements.
No. Women frequently serve as pallbearers in modern UK funerals and many families choose a mixed group.
Yes. Adult children, siblings, grandchildren and other relatives are among the most common choices.
Family members and friends who act as pallbearers are not paid. Professional pallbearers supplied by funeral directors are paid as part of the funeral service.
Yes. Declining is completely acceptable if you do not feel physically or emotionally able to take on the role.
No. They typically carry or accompany the coffin during specific parts of the funeral rather than throughout the entire service.
Formal dark clothing is traditional, although families may request different attire depending on the style of the funeral.
A pallbearer physically carries or accompanies the coffin. An honorary pallbearer is recognised in the role without taking part in carrying it.
Attended direct cremations may include pallbearers. Unattended direct cremations do not, as there is no ceremony or procession.