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Written by Emily Cross.
16 minute read
Article reviewed by Judy Carole, Published Author on March 17, 2025.
Talking about death isn’t easy for most of us, but it can become one of the most meaningful conversations we have with the people we love. Whether you want to share your own wishes, support someone close to you, or begin thinking about end-of-life planning, opening up about death can bring clarity, comfort and even a sense of peace.
If you’re not sure where to start, you’re not alone. Most of us have never done it. Though the reason for your reading may mean life feels difficult right now, we hope this guide offers some gentle, practical steps to help you approach these conversations with empathy, sensitivity and a little more confidence.
Key takeaways:
Whether you’re trying to figure out how to announce a death, or begin a conversation about what to do when someone dies, these practical approaches can help make the conversation feel more natural.
Timing matters when bringing up sensitive subjects. Look for calm, private settings where everyone can feel at ease. Casual moments, such as after a family meal or during a walk, can also provide opportunities to gently introduce the topic.
You might look for natural openings too, such as after watching a film, hearing a news story, or reading an article related to illness, funerals, or end-of-life wishes.
Try to assess whether you and the other person are emotionally prepared for a conversation of this nature. If someone has recently experienced a death or difficult diagnosis, be especially mindful of their emotional state and timing.
Sometimes these conversations feel easier when linked to something practical, such as making a will, organising paperwork, comparing funeral plan options, or discussing future care preferences.
Practical contexts can make the discussion feel less overwhelming and more grounded.
It can help to ease into the conversation with gentle or hypothetical questions. Observe the other person’s comfort level and adjust the depth of the discussion accordingly.
Not every conversation needs to cover everything at once. Sometimes simply opening the door is enough.
Questions like “Have you ever thought about what you’d want at the end of life?” or “What matters most to you if you became seriously ill?” can encourage thoughtful, honest conversations.
Sharing some of your own feelings first can also make the subject feel less intimidating. You might say:
“I’ve been thinking about this lately because I don’t want people guessing about my wishes one day.”
Often, the hardest part is simply finding the first sentence. These conversation starters can help, depending on how direct you want to be.
The indirect opener
Use something external , a news story, documentary, or film.
“I saw that story about [person] and it made me think , I don’t think I’ve ever told you what I’d want if something happened to me.”
The legacy question
Starting with memory and legacy can feel warmer than talking about death directly.
“What’s something you’d want us to keep doing , a recipe, a tradition, a family habit , even 50 years from now?”
The curious question
“I’ve been thinking about this stuff lately. Have you ever thought about what kind of send-off you’d want?”
The planning frame
“I’m trying to sort out my own affairs , my will, funeral wishes, all that. I think I’d find it easier if we talked about it together.”
The direct approach
“I know we don’t really talk about this, but I want to make sure I can honour your wishes properly one day. Can we talk about it?”
These conversations are often less difficult than we imagine beforehand. Once the conversation begins, many people find it becomes one of the most honest and meaningful discussions they’ve had in years.
People have many different reasons for wanting to start conversations about death. Some want to make sure their wishes are known. Others want to support someone they love, process their own fears, or simply feel more prepared for the future.
Death anxiety refers to the fear, worry, or unease that can come from thinking about mortality. It can stem from concerns about going through the end-of-life stages and the process of dying; the unknowability of what happens after death; or the impact of one’s death on loved ones.
While these feelings are a natural part of being human, avoiding the subject altogether can sometimes make anxiety feel heavier. Gentle, open conversations can help reduce the silence and fear surrounding death, making it feel less isolating.
You may want to broach the topic of death in order to offer words of support to a friend who is dealing with the unexpected death of a loved one, or loved one who has either received a diagnosis, or has entered the latter years of their life.
Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, so they avoid the subject completely. But for some, being able to speak honestly about fears, wishes, or emotions can feel deeply relieving.
You do not need perfect words. Often, simply being willing to listen matters most.
If you’ve made a will, explored funeral arrangements, chosen a funeral plan, or thought about your preferences for end-of-life care, it can help to share those wishes with the people who may need them one day.
Talking openly can relieve pressure and uncertainty for loved ones in the future. It also helps ensure your wishes are understood and respected.
Death has long been treated as a difficult or taboo subject. In some families and communities, it may feel uncomfortable, frightening, or even disrespectful to talk about it openly.
But avoiding these conversations altogether can leave people feeling alone with fears or unanswered questions.
Organisations and community groups such as Death Cafés aim to make conversations about death feel more natural and less frightening.
Aura itself was founded after Paul Jameson was diagnosed with motor neurone disease. His experience helped shape Aura’s mission to support families in having open, compassionate conversations about death and planning ahead.
One of the hardest parts of starting conversations about death is the possibility that someone may not want to engage.
The reality is that some people genuinely are not ready , and that is their right.
Try not to push harder, become frustrated, or make them feel they have failed by not participating in the conversation. Instead, leave the door open gently.
You might say:
“I understand. I just want you to know I’m here whenever you want to talk about it.”
Then let it rest.
The fact that you tried matters. The other person now knows the conversation is possible.
Sometimes it helps to return to the topic another day using a different approach , perhaps through a practical conversation, a television programme, or a news story rather than an emotional discussion.
Many people revisit these conversations later, often weeks or months afterwards, once they have had time to process their feelings.
While these discussions can feel uncomfortable at first, they can also bring unexpected comfort and connection.
Honest conversations about death often encourage openness and vulnerability, helping people feel closer and more emotionally connected.
Talking about life stories, favourite songs, family traditions, or meaningful memories can become a valuable part of these conversations.
Conversations about death often lead to practical planning, such as writing a will, organising important documents, or recording funeral wishes.
These discussions can help families and friends support each other through grief, uncertainty and future decision-making.
Different situations can shape how these conversations feel. Talking to an elderly parent may feel very different from supporting someone who is seriously ill or helping a child understand death.
Many people find it emotionally difficult to raise these conversations with a parent. The shift in roles can feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
It can help to remember that you are not forcing a conversation about death onto them. Often, you are simply giving them permission to talk about something they may already have been thinking about privately.
Many older people have clear wishes and are simply waiting for someone to ask.
Using a collaborative, practical approach can sometimes feel gentler:
“I’m sorting out my own affairs at the moment , would you like to do this together?”
When someone is living with illness, it is usually best to follow their lead rather than pushing the conversation further than they seem comfortable with.
Questions like “How are you really feeling about all this?” can open the door without forcing it.
Try not to rush into reassurance or problem-solving. Often, sitting quietly with someone’s fears or sadness is far more supportive.
You do not need perfect words. “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here” is enough.
Children are often more capable of talking about death than adults expect.
Using honest, age-appropriate language can help them feel safe and included. Try to avoid euphemisms such as “gone to sleep”, which can sometimes confuse or frighten younger children.
Answer their questions simply and honestly and allow them to lead the conversation at their own pace.
For additional support, Winston’s Wish offers guidance for parents and carers supporting bereaved children.
Many people hesitate to discuss death because they fear upsetting others or confronting their own feelings about mortality. Lots of us aren’t really sure how to break bad news, or even bring up the loss of a loved one to a friend or colleague
This discomfort is completely understandable. But with patience and gentle preparation, these conversations often become less frightening and more constructive than expected.
In some cultures, communities and families, not talking openly about death is itself considered respectful.
There is no single right approach. Some people may prefer practical discussions, while others may avoid the topic altogether.
Approaching the subject with sensitivity and respect for personal beliefs can help reduce tension and build trust.
Not everyone will feel ready to discuss death immediately. Give loved ones time to process their thoughts and emotions.
Sometimes approaching the topic gradually, over several conversations, feels more manageable than trying to discuss everything at once.
Sadness, discomfort, frustration, or silence are all natural responses.
Acknowledge those feelings without trying to rush past them. Reassure the other person that it is okay to feel emotional.
Active listening means giving someone your full attention without trying to interrupt, fix, or judge what they are saying.
Simple things can help:
If conversations become particularly difficult, some people find it helpful to involve a counsellor, spiritual adviser, mediator, or end-of-life professional.
Conversations with healthcare professionals can help clarify wishes around treatment, care and quality of life.
It may help to prepare questions in advance and write down anything important you want to discuss.
Healthcare professionals are used to talking about sensitive topics with compassion and honesty. Being open about your wishes and concerns can help ensure care aligns with your values.
If you’re unsure where to begin, there are organisations and resources designed to help people have these conversations more comfortably.
Books, podcasts and online communities can also help normalise conversations about death and provide reassurance that you are not alone in finding them difficult.
The conversation about death is, in the end, a conversation about love. The families who have had it are not sadder for it , they are often closer for it.
If these conversations prompt you to think about your own arrangements, or help someone you love think about theirs, our Aura Angels are here to support you. Call us free on 0800 808 5723, any time.
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Talking about death can help reduce fear and uncertainty, while making sure loved ones understand each other’s wishes and values. These conversations often bring emotional closeness, practical clarity and reassurance.
They can also help families avoid difficult guesswork in the future by making preferences around care, funerals and personal wishes clearer ahead of time.
There is rarely a perfect moment. Often, the best time is when the conversation arises naturally , after a news story, illness, funeral, or life event that encourages reflection.
It can also help to start before a crisis happens, when everyone feels calmer and has more space to think clearly and openly.
Try not to force the conversation. Respect their boundaries and let them know you are available whenever they feel ready.
Many people need time to process their emotions before engaging in these discussions. Even if the conversation doesn’t happen immediately, simply opening the door can make future discussions feel easier and less frightening.
Many people find it easiest to begin with practical matters, such as making a will, organising paperwork, or discussing funeral preferences.
You might say, “I’ve been thinking about getting my affairs organised and wanted to talk about my wishes.” Framing the conversation practically can make it feel less overwhelming and more collaborative.
You do not need perfect words. You could start gently with something external, such as a film, news story, or family experience.
Simple questions like “Have you ever thought about what you’d want one day?” or “What matters most to you at the end of life?” can create space for an honest, meaningful conversation.
Many cultures and families feel uncomfortable talking about death and some people worry it may seem pessimistic or unlucky. But for many, discussing death openly actually reduces anxiety and creates reassurance.
It can help people feel more prepared, connected and supported, while making future decisions less stressful for loved ones.
Talking openly with trusted people can help make fears around death feel less isolating. Some people also find comfort in counselling, mindfulness, spiritual support, or practical planning.
Learning more about end-of-life care and discussing wishes gradually can help replace uncertainty with a greater sense of calm and understanding.
Strong emotions are completely normal in conversations about death. Try not to rush to fix or avoid those feelings. Instead, acknowledge them gently and give people space to respond in their own way. Pauses, tears, or silence do not mean the conversation has gone badly, they often reflect honesty and trust.
Yes. Children and teenagers are often more able to engage with conversations about death than adults expect, especially when spoken to honestly and gently.
Using clear, age-appropriate language can help them feel safe and included. Let them ask questions at their own pace and answer as openly and simply as you can.
Many people find it easier to approach the conversation practically rather than emotionally. You could say, “I’m sorting out my own affairs and wondered if we could do this together.” This can make the conversation feel collaborative rather than frightening. Often, older parents already have clear wishes and may feel relieved that someone has finally asked.
Yes. Organisations such as Dying Matters, Death Cafés, Marie Curie and Winston’s Wish offer practical resources and conversation prompts. Some people also find conversation cards, books, podcasts, or support groups helpful. These tools can make it easier to begin discussions in a gentle and supported way.
If conversations around death feel especially difficult, it can help to involve a professional such as a counsellor, spiritual adviser, mediator, or healthcare professional.
They can provide emotional support, practical guidance and a calm environment for discussing sensitive subjects at a pace that feels comfortable for everyone involved.