Talking to Your Family About Direct Cremation

Every life is unique, and so is every funeral that honours it. The way you choose to be celebrated and remembered after death is deeply personal. It will vary between families and friends and you may even change your mind throughout your life. For some, traditional funerals with a hearse and pallbearers will be exactly how they imagined it. Others may opt for no service at all.

Direct cremation offers a straightforward alternative for those seeking a simpler farewell. However, the decision to have no guests attend can be a difficult subject to approach with loved ones. Yet, this is an important conversation that can provide immense relief and clarity to your family and friends. You don’t want to leave your family worrying about what you would have wanted from your funeral and establishing a plan can let your final wishes be put into place.

Why Direct Cremation?

The first thing you might want to do before discussing funeral wishes with your family is to come prepared with what you want to say. Being informed can help answer their questions, address their concerns and help you feel confident as you cover the reasons why you have decided on direct cremation. Here are a few reasons people pick direct cremation that may come up in your conversation.

• Affordability: Every year, The SunLife Cost of Dying Report covers funeral trends including valuable insights into pricing. Information in their 2024 report highlights that the overall cost of dying has risen by 4.7% from the previous year, reaching a national average of £4,141. As a direct cremation excludes certain aspects of traditional funerals like the hearse or elaborate services, it becomes a cost-effective option that is much lower than the national average that SunLife’s report suggests.
  
• Financial Considerations: A direct cremation can help prevent leaving your family with financial strain as it avoids the expenses associated with traditional funeral elements. Instead, this money can be used on a more personal memorial or to help the ones we leave behind.
  
• Reduced Planning Stress: Losing a loved one is already a tough time as it is. Planning and organising a funeral can just add to the pressure. A direct cremation can help alleviate questions or disputes over what the deceased would have wanted in coffin choice, flower arrangements, guest attendance and more. It’s a streamlined option that alleviates some of the stress.
  
• Personal Remembrance Freedom: Opting out of a formal funeral service allows family and friends the flexibility to commemorate those who have passed in a way that feels right. Funds that might have usually gone to the funeral can now be spent on personal tributes, meaningful holidays, a special meal or a donation to charity.

Having the discussion about funeral wishes

Funeral wishes and end-of-life planning are important topics of discussion, so make sure you give them the time they deserve. If you casually tell your family that you would like a direct cremation, it may not be taken as seriously as you want it to be. That is why it’s important to have a formal talk. Sit your loved ones down and communicate your wishes clearly to make sure everyone is on the same page. You can also let them know you are planning ahead to be proactive and not to cause concern.

Talking about death can bring up many emotions. It’s a sensitive and sometimes upsetting conversation. It may be worth considering the setting and timing of your exchange carefully. Choose a private, comforting space where you and your loved ones can step away when you need to have a breather. Having a warm cup of tea, sweet treats and a tissue nearby can also help the process.

What should you say when making your funeral wishes known

This conversation can be different for everyone, but we suggest you make sure to detail the aspects of your funeral that are important to you. You might wish to specify where you want your ashes scattered or explain any personal touches you’d like incorporated into the day. 

You may be met with resistance when you bring up the topic of direct cremation as some people may prefer the idea of a conventional funeral. It’s important to listen to their perspectives, just as you would want them to listen to yours. You can discuss your reasons and the benefits of a direct cremation to help them understand your point of view. A supportive and open atmosphere can help when making important decisions like funeral wishes.

While you don’t have to alter your plans, exploring compromises or alternatives could be an option for getting everyone to agree. With Aura’s prepaid funeral plans, it is still possible to have a low-cost, intimate service alongside your direct cremation that allows guests to gather and remember you at a local crematorium. You can also suggest your family organise something separate from the cremation that is still special like a meal out or a celebration of life. This could be a good way to frame a direct cremation as it allows people to grieve in their own time and in their own way.

How to answer common questions or objections to direct cremation

Talking to loved ones about choosing direct cremation can sometimes lead to questions and concerns. We’re here to help you navigate those conversations with confidence and compassion. Here are some responses to the objections you may come across about direct cremation, enabling you to address any doubts and convey how this choice aligns with your wishes. 

“What is direct cremation?”

While direct cremation is becoming more popular, some people still may not have heard of it. If they are left wondering what direct cremation involves, you can direct them to useful articles to read and learn more. Here’s an answer you can give to those who may want to know more about this type of funeral.

A direct cremation is a low-cost alternative for those who either don’t want or can’t afford a traditional funeral. Usually, the person who has died is taken to the crematorium privately, and cremation takes place without a service or any attendees. Whilst it is a private occasion, a direct cremation is still carried out with dignity and respect, and the family are kept informed of the process at all times. 

“Direct cremation isn’t personal, will we be able to mourn you properly?”

As a direct cremation does not typically include a traditional funeral service, some people may feel the grieving process will be skipped. However, we all grieve in different ways. Here is a way you can answer any concerns like these if you feel that it matches how you feel.

I understand your apprehension. While direct cremation may seem restrictive, it actually allows you to arrange a celebration of my life in a more personal way. Traditional funerals do not reflect the way I want to be remembered. Instead, you can choose a time and place that feels right for a memorial that’s meaningful to our family and friends. You can do it on your own timeline whenever you feel ready, rather than having to organise everything straight away and include meaningful touches and stories that we’ve shared together.

“Don’t you want a proper funeral?”

It’s natural to equate a “proper” funeral with the traditional ceremonies we’re familiar with, but “proper” can mean different things to different people. While right now direct cremation may seem unconventional, it’s growing in popularity and may one day be the preferred funeral choice of many. This is a possible answer you could give if you are faced with this question.

Saying goodbye is different for everyone. For me, it isn’t about the ceremony but the sentiment behind it. Commemorating my life doesn’t need to take place at a crematorium. By going for a direct cremation, I can still have a personalised service or memorial, it just may not look like what you would expect. It doesn’t make it any less personal or meaningful.  

“Did you pick direct cremation because it’s the cheapest option?”

There are lots of benefits to direct cremation. You may have chosen it for its low-cost solution or for another reason. Here’s one way you could answer this question.

I do want direct cremation because it is cost-effective. When I’m gone, I want you to be able to enjoy what I am able to leave behind, not feel as though you have to spend it on expensive flowers or limousines for my funeral. However, it goes beyond pricing. Direct cremation also offers simplicity and flexibility. I think it allows families to focus more on celebrating life and less on the complexities that often come with traditional arrangements. Instead of worrying about logistical and financial pressures at a time of grief, the ones we leave behind can concentrate on healing and remembrance.

“Will we get your ashes?”

Every direct cremation provider is different. Some may charge for the delivery of ashes. Here is an answer you can give if you pick an Aura funeral plan.

It’s up to you. My direct cremation plan includes the cost of the delivery of my ashes back to you in a scatter tube. That way my remains can be kept or spread in a place that has significance to our family. You can also choose to have the crematorium spread my ashes in their garden of remembrance.

Planning ahead

It’s a good idea to chat about funeral plans when you’re feeling well. Start talking with your family early about what you’d like for your own funeral. These conversations make it easier for everyone later on, especially if you decide not to have a service. This way, your family won’t be surprised and they’ll understand where you’re coming from.

Another way to plan ahead that also ensures your wishes are known is to buy a prepaid funeral plan. This can put your mind at ease and also take the burden off your family’s shoulders. A prepaid funeral plan with Aura means that everything is included in the cost, meaning there is nothing left for your loved ones to pay when the time comes. Our team will be happy to take you through setting up a plan and can help you organise an intimate service too if that aligns with your wishes. You can get in touch here or request a quote through the website to get started.