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15 minute read
How to announce a death to friends or family is something that many people worry about. If you’ve lost someone close to you, or feel you may be about to, the way in which you break this news to their friends can both positively and negatively impact the way in which the listener goes on to grieve. It can even impact your own grieving process.
We wanted to write this article in order to share a few tips that might make it easier for you to pass on this information, and to feel more comfortable in doing so.
The act of announcing a death is fraught with a lot of difficulty and social anxiety. We may feel that it’s easier to just allow others to discover the truth for themselves, or that there’s too great a risk of upsetting the listener. We ourselves may also feel awkward, knowing that we have a responsibility to inform, but worrying that we are not a sensitive enough communicator to strike the right tone. Despite that, effectively talking about death and dying with friends can be a very meaningful and important thing to do.
Announcing a death to friends in the right way can facilitate a healthy grieving process for them. It’s also one of the most important things you may need to do when someone dies. By being clear and respectful, you can also wrap the bad news in a caring cloak, so to speak, as they’ll know that, as painful as it might be to hear, you were thinking of them and wanted to look out for them. This can mean a lot to people as they enter the initial stage of processing the passing of one close to them.
By announcing a bereavement you can achieve a number of practical things. It’s not just about sensitively acknowledging the situation for the sake of kindness, it’s also about helping the listener to avoid stumbling across the fact themselves at an inopportune time in the future.
By opting not to tell them about the death of someone close to you both, you allow them to continue living in a time before the death occurred. While it may seem like an act of kindness to spare someone from an uncomfortable truth, it can lead to embarrassment for them if, for instance, they ask someone else about how the person who has died is doing, under the impression that they are still alive.
It’s the worst case scenario for the news that they’ve actually passed away to be broken to them in this way: now their own fresh feelings of loss and grief are mixed with a sense of embarrassment at not having known, as well as confusion, and, possibly, anger, about why they were not already told. You can help them to avoid this by confronting the situation and making sure that they are informed.
All of this also applies to situations in which you might need to announce to friends or family that someone is dying. In fact, it can be even more meaningful in these situations, as, by sharing the news, you will give friends and family an opportunity to say goodbye in person before it’s too late. The notice you give them will also allow them to prepare for the time when it comes, either by helping with funeral arrangements, or with any admin that needs to be done.
It’s always better to announce a death in person, if you can, especially when doing so to close friends or family. But, whether you’re face-to-face with someone or conveying your condolences in writing, the way in which a death is announced can be just as, if not more, important than when and where the news is broken.
Make sure that you clearly share the name and age of the person who has died, in order to avoid any confusion. You may want to explain where and when it happened, as well as the cause, and to express a tribute to the life they lived, as well as some of the positive qualities they exemplified. A tribute could also include a brief reference to close family members surviving the person who has died, as well as the nature of their relationship.
The key to any written announcement about a death is to keep it simple and to avoid hiding the truth. You may also want to keep it brief, so as not to overwhelm the reader. If a funeral has already been planned, share the date, time and location of that too, so that you can give the reader a chance to attend, if they want to.
The best tone to aim for is one of respectfulness and dignity, as it’s what the reader would appreciate most. Don’t be afraid to share a little bit of emotion; we all respond differently to announcements about death, with widely differing levels and types of feelings.
Deciding on what to say in a death announcement is something we can spend hours agonising over. It will likely depend on how well and for how long the listener knew the person who has died. For instance, you would break the news differently to their wife than you would to a new colleague.
Announcing the death of someone to their close friends and family, if possible, is best done in person. If you need to break this news to someone who you’d prefer to see face-to-face, but can’t because they live far away, then try to arrange a phone or video call at a time that works for them.
Doing this in person can be much more powerful than with a written message. All of your body language, facial expressions, the tone of your voice, and your physical proximity to the listeners can work together to convey a more special message.
One of the reasons that people can find this task so daunting is that it touches on so many different factors at the same time. Not every family is at peace with itself, and bringing this news into the open can cause tension. If the person is dying, they may have things on their mind that they’d like to express before they die. In both cases, it can be meaningful and important to open up conversations about dying, not just for the one who is dying, but also for their family and friends.
Some families seek help and support from a death doula, who can help them to facilitate conversations about death with the dying person. Or, if they’ve already passed away, they could help the immediate family to broach the subject with wider family members and to prepare for those conversations.
Once the people most intimate with the person who has died have been informed of the situation, you may wish to make an announcement to the local community at large. A popular way of doing this is by putting an obituary in the local newspaper.
The same guidance we’ve given above would apply to your words here too: the key is to use respectful language, and to provide accurate and concise information which allows the reader to understand the facts in the right way.
If you prefer, you can also announce a death on social media. It’s an effective way of reaching a lot of people efficiently, but there are some special caveats that could apply.
For the post itself, you may want to consider adding a photo of yourself with the person who has died, or any image recalling them which you think is special, to add a bit of emotional context.
If you’re someone who uses social media a lot, try to pick the right moment to make such an announcement, and maybe consider stalling or postponing your normal activity either side of the post so that it has time to breathe and to spread its message. Your day-to-day posting might end up undermining the gravity of the announcement, if it’s slotted in side-by-side with other non-related updates.
The key thing to bear in mind with a social media post is that others connected to the person who has died may feel that it’s not appropriate to announce something so solemn and private in that setting. Therefore, you might want to secure the permission of anyone you think would be relevant before posting anything.
Anyone will be able to see what you’re posting, so if you feel you’d like to control its audience, making sure only certain people can see it, then you can usually do this simply enough in the privacy settings of the post itself.
It’s important to pick the right moment to announce someone’s death to the public, as well as to keep the privacy and cultural beliefs of their family in mind.
Whether on social media, in the local paper, or in person, make sure that it’s appropriate for you to be the one sharing the message. Ask yourself whether you know the one who has died well enough, or whether there might be someone else who could better deliver the news.
You’ll also want to respect the privacy and culture of those to whom you’re making the announcement. Avoid sharing any information you think the family would prefer to remain private.
If you’re making an announcement about the death of someone, it’s vital to make sure that those closest to them are already in the know, if you’re not the one who made them aware. Choosing the right time to make an announcement of this kind is also extremely important, as the close friends and family of the one who has died are likely to be in a fragile emotional state. In fact, even if a few days have passed, they may still be spending time with the person who died.
If you’d like to make a public announcement about a death, you might want to make it clear in your message that the family requires privacy, and that they shouldn’t be contacted. This will allow you to notify the wider community whilst protecting the feelings of the most impacted bereaved.
Aside from notifying people about the fact of a recent death, you can also take the opportunity to offer condolences to the family. An effective death announcement can also encourage the wider community to support those who’ve recently lost someone.
There are a few different ways to offer condolences to someone. You can call the one you’d like to condole with on the phone, or you could send them a condolence card with flowers, for instance. You could even attend the funeral service of the one who has died, to offer your support.
When writing a condolence message, it’s important to offer your heartfelt sympathy by sincerely acknowledging the loss of the recipient; personalising your message somehow by reflecting on how you knew the one who has died; by letting them know that your thoughts are with them; and that you are there for them should they need.
A simple message like that will do the trick; people are not looking to read an essay at a time like this, but many people appreciate the feeling of support that comes with a meaningful condolence message. It’s a thoughtful gesture that lets them know they aren’t alone.
When announcing a recent or imminent death to the community, the news will be received in many different ways. Some readers will feel overcome by the loss, and may find themselves overwhelmed by grief. For that reason, you could direct the reader in your message towards local grief cafes and support groups, so that they have an opportunity to share their feelings with others going through a similar experience.
Other readers may wish to throw themselves into action, which is another common response to grief. It could also be helpful to provide some ways in which the wider community can be of assistance to the bereaved family. Ask the family before making any suggestions, but even little things like, for instance, getting the shopping for an elderly bereaved person can be a meaningful gesture at a difficult time.
If you’d like to write a death announcement, but aren’t sure where to begin, we thought we’d provide you with a couple of templates (one for a close friend, and another for public use) that you can use as a starting point. When preparing your own one, don’t forget to supply the cause of the person’s death so that your reader clearly understands what happened.
Close friend
I am deeply sorry to have to write to you with some tragic news: my sister died last night. I know how much she meant to you, and that you’ll sorely miss her, as we all will; she always referred to you as her best friend. The funeral service will be in two weeks’ time at Banchory Crematorium. We’d be honoured if you could come. Please take all the time you need to process this news, but know that I’m here for you, should you need anything.
Public use
It’s with a heavy heart that I announce the news that my sister died last week (28/09/24). As you can imagine, this news is painful, and was unexpected, and I know many of you will be very upset to learn about what has happened. The funeral ceremony will be next weekend (10/10/24) at Banchory Crematorium. All who knew her are welcome to attend. If you have any questions feel free to contact me, but the rest of the family would ask that you respect their privacy at this difficult time.
Of course, how you approach a death announcement is entirely up to you, but these are two templates that might help you to get started on your own one.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a bereavement that you may be facing, there are lots of different grief-related and general support groups that you can turn to, if you’d like someone to talk to about what’s on your mind. The NHS offers mental health services which can be useful if you’re looking for some general support. Besides that, there’s the Good Grief Trust which offers grief-specific support “by the bereaved, for the bereaved”. There’s also lots of good information about local support groups from Sue Ryder, if you’re looking to join something in person near you.
Aura’s own Angel team are compassionate experts in funeral arranging. Aside from assisting you with practical matters like paperwork and funeral arranging, if you’re organising a funeral with Aura, they are also there to lend an ear should you have concerns about announcing a death to a friend. Handling difficult conversations is something that they do on a daily basis, and they are here to share their expertise with any of the families in our care who need it.
General guidelines for writing a death announcement
We hope you found this article useful. Announcing a death to a friend or relative is one of the hardest things we can face, but it’s also an opportunity to deepen and reinforce the ties of family and friendship we have with those around us. If you find yourself in the position of needing to arrange a funeral for someone – whether for someone close to you who has recently died, or for yourself for the future, Aura has an option for you.
Aura’s direct cremation services are available to those in need now. They’re available from £1,095, and are designed to be low-cost and hassle free. Once you’ve decided you’d like to appoint us, we’ll bring the person who has died from where they are resting into our care at one of our state-of-the-art care centres. Once the paperwork has been completed and the arrangements have been made, we’ll bring them to the crematorium for their cremation in a private ambulance. Within 21 days, we can return their ashes to you at home by hand or we can scatter them for you at the crematorium’s Garden of Remembrance.
If instead you’re looking to sort something out for yourself for the future, we also offer our direct cremation services via our prepaid funeral plans. Available from £1,595, our all-inclusive funeral plans let you lock in today’s prices, ensuring that your family have nothing left to pay or organise when the time comes.
Should you wish to discuss either of these options, or ask us anything about how to announce a death to a friend, we’d welcome your call and are ready to help you whenever you need.
